I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize