Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
