Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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