That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He did a backflip because drugs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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