just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
