it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
