I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
