tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
