I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I looked at my own cervix.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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