rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
where are you?
Hypothermia
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
