dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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