It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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