Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize