piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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