So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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