i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
