apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
