I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my being single is dangerous.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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