Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
