Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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