Did you just see the Batmobile???
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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