Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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