are you still at the devil's house?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
