my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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