we have officially lost it.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
