why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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