my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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