How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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