You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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