11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
