moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
