i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize