if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
