i permit you to call me
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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