Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
What happened to fro yo and sex?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
