Whatcha textin bout Willis?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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