Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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