I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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