My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
