I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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