I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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