Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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