If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
