New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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