you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
