her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
