The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
