Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
