i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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