I've blown a few things in my day
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize