i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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