To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Yo dont text me then not text me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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