I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
