Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
