I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
