Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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