I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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