If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
