Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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