worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
