would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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