i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
