I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
