i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
