Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
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