Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
