You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
