just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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