I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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