she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
